Life with OCD

I remember how it is started as it was yesterday . I was 6 years old and it was my first year at school . Homework was a nightmare for me .I used to write letters like “L” ,”A” , “K” and any letter with straight lines with a ruler , then I think it is not straight enough , so I erase it over and over tile the paper tears. And that wasn’t making me stop till I finish my Homework .Then I show it to my mother , who was cutting that paper off from my notebook because of the ugly appearance and asks me to do it again without too much erasing and so on . And as 6 years old boy , I didn’t know what it is .

On the second grade ( I was 7 years old ) , I had another obsession , which was the fear of lying . Every word I said ( or even thought I said ) , I was afraid it was a lie . If someone asked me about the time and I said it is 1 O’clock and it was 1:05 , I would think I lied to that person .So , I used to write every word or situation that I think it was a lie in a small notebook , and when I come home I wait till my father comes from his work , then we sit together in a closed room and I starts telling him these situation and he tells me if it is lie or not . He was always telling me it is not a lie and that was making me feel much better . ( when you are a child you trust and believe every word your dad tells you )
On the third grade , obsessions took another angle .As a Muslim we pray five times a day and we wash our hands , faces and feet before every prayer . I was taking long time to do both . I used to ask my brother to stay with me while doing these to tell me if I forgot washing any organ . Then one day my big brother came to me , and told me that he asked his religion teacher in school about repeating prayers , and the teacher answered him that every repeat is caused by Devil . Since then I didn’t repeat any prayer and I recovered almost completely until it starts again in 2013 before my Bachelor Exams (last year of college ) . And unfortunately I am now older , so they can’t convince me with that again .
Older means that you can’t speak with your parents openly as you did as a kid . You are afraid that they will think you are crazy ( educated but crazy ) . Your parents won’t say that of course but you will see it in their eyes .That sympathy look that you are not used to .
You will try to do it on your own , it will be harder ( much harder ) . But not hard as that look of sympathy . And believe me , my friend , you are strong enough to hold yourself and recover on your own
( this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t seek help , if you think you need it . But the key for recovery is in your hands )